I leave this weekend for a few days in Cancun. My wife has a business trip there (why do my conferences never happen there, instead opting for “Lesser Duluth”?), and I’m sneaking myself into her hand luggage for the trip.

Her: “Uh, I’ll be in conference meetings the entire time; what do you think you’re gonna do while I’m busy?”

Me: perusing the 7 dive shops in a 2-block radius of the hotel “Oh, I’ll find some way to get by.”

The fun thing about diving in tourist traps like this is you can effectively show up at the dive shop at 8am and be good to go; there’s always a trip going out. The downside is you’re like as not to be paired up with someone who’s never been underwater before—or at least acts like it. A fun trick for when your dive buddy gets in over their head or is acting reckless: act like you’re the one with the problem. That way, they’re not in a situation where they have to back down, they’re “being a good dive buddy” and helping you out.

And then never dive with them again.